I’m up way too late tonight reading back through personal blog posts…posts dating all the way back to 2010. Six years of sharing home design, heart wrenches, celebrations, soul searching, holidays, kids growing, homeschooling, churching, teaching, hubby-fighting (quite literally as in MMA, cages, and the whole kit & kaboodle. More on that another time…), chicken acquiring, and prolonged journeys of self-discovery.
As I read, I sat here pining for things to be like they used to be (my kids, for one), rejoicing that other things have changed (can I say kids again?) , and all in all feeling reflective and nostalgic…while at the same time very present… in my own life.
Does it seem like we spend way too much time anymore observing other people’s lives?
Observing other people’s events?
Spectating other people’s accomplishments?
Vicariously enjoying other people’s vacations?
Swooning over other people’s creativity?
And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I love spying on the next IG kitchen remodel as much as every DIYer out there. Okay, especially if the cabinets are creamy farmhouse white, and the backsplash is some type of white or cream tile (or washed brick, you say?!), and there are plenty of natural wood accents throughout…maybe a graphic rug to pull it all together. Can I hear an amen?
See how easily I went there? Diverted to someone else’s life, someone else’s space? Someone else’s family?
But here, tonight, alone in my room on a hiney growing sore from sitting so long reading my own blog, I am thrust headlong into my own life once again as I read about completing 101 home projects with my beloved Fireman, about precious moments baking and schooling and working with our three wonderful children. I feel deeply thankful for a God who sees me at every age in these posts~ and thoroughly loves me at every awkward stage. I am truly grateful for all I have been given.
We began a journey last fall as I returned to teaching high school English after a 16-year stay-at-home-mom status. To say teaching full-time has been an adjustment falls painfully short of reality, but the delights and fulfillments have unexpectedly outweighed the grind. I think. Some day I will share more on that.
But in the recent busyness, what I find I miss the most is the sweet reflection time with Jesus that came so readily in the quiet of home. Oh, He is still a very real Presence in my life each and every day. How could I be all I need to be without His daily sustenance, encouragement, and strength? But the pace of a 6-period class schedule, the influx of dynamic, creative, dramatic and impulsive teens in and out of my personal and private lives for hours on end (bless their bleeding hearts) makes me long for that sweet walk in the garden alone, yearn to hear only One voice. To walk with Him, and talk with Him…To share a sweet moment of joy as we tarry there awhile.
Just Jesus and me.
I think that’s what tonight was all about, a sweet walk and talk with Jesus. Thank you, Lord, for a most precious gift. The gift tonight of uninterrupted time, the luxury of prolonged thought and reflection, but mostly for that still small Voice reminding me where I’ve been, what I need most, and how close You have really always been. You still are I AM in my life.